...

My dad's plant may be closing.

We'll have almost no income.

I want to kill myself.

You better hope I don't.

I was tired of the WALL. The wall of distance between us. I was tired of clawing at it all the time and only hearing WHISPERS and CRYING when I knew everything would be ALRIGHT if she was only NEXT TO ME. With THAT DAMNED WALL between us I could do NOTHING to ease her PAIN, or in the very least actually enjoy her company. As opposed to feeling frustration from it(Clawing at the damn wall.)

So I walked away. I had to walk away. I couldn't stand that wall anymore. And more importantly, I was too frustrated, too much spite built inside of me to JUST be her friend. JUST being a friend meant never getting past THE DAMNED WALL. So I had to HATE HER. I had to associate her with the pain and frustration and regret and wasted potential. I didn't want to feel anymore regret from missing her or guilt for abandoning her as a friend (But I am now anyway...). ALL BECAUSE OF THAT DAMNED WALL KEEPING ME FROM HER.

And now every time I see Ferris I'm reminded OF THAT WALL.

Or sometimes I go and take a glance at the wall, put an ear up to it to see how she is.

Both times I'm only reminded of how I'M REPLACED. HOW I STOPPED MATTERING. AND IT'S ALL THAT DAMN WALLS FAULT.

THE REASON I'M EVEN SAYING THIS IS SO SHE KNOWS I STILL EXIST AND HOW I FEEL, SO MAYBE SHE DOESN'T SEE ME AS A VILLAIN LIKE SHE DOES KASEY. ...And...maybe mention me once in a while. Act like I was important at one point. That is the reason I lose it...

...

But...

She's not even listening anymore. Maybe if I lash out at her boytoy I'll feel a little bit satisfied.

Long distance relationships don't work. The End

I want the campaign now! >.

I'll never feel like posting. I don't like talking to myself, but when I do (which is often), I pretend it's to one of you...

I'm still depressed. Perpetual sadness, even if good things happen...it worries me...

Things go well with Stephanie, although I decided against seeing her this weekend because she wouldn't have been available anyway. It's not like I coulda gone to a prom anyway. Her parents don't know I exist, and Stephanie finding a prom date who heralds from the land of the internet wouldn't be a good introduction. Oh well. I think she likes me. If she is reading this, I don't mind.

Please talk to me you guys. I need it so much. I'm growing increasingly suicidal because life feels so boring and intimidating...

I feel disillusioned. Life it almost out of glamor, it's all routine. It feels like a game that I don't want to play. Anxiety. Fear of what's to come. All the while, growing old. Fading. But I feel like I just found myself! Found out it's all a lie. Fiction is grander than life, sad to say. I can't amount to much. Double edged sword I guess. Ignorance is bliss. Eat the fruit of knowledge, and you notice life is just a fall into the abyss...

That was stupid, sorry...

She makes me feel warm and giddy. I like how she's so easy going and fun to talk to. It makes me just love hanging out with her. I can actually be myself. n.n

Roller coaster

Don't like it? Meh.

Do? Meh.

I decided to skip school today and spend it studying math and doing
homework. My mom is being annoying. I never tell her anything because
she just gets angry.

She said I'm not living in this house with this hair. Then she said
something that made me lose more respect for her.

"How would you like it, if I started wearing tank tops and daisy duke shorts?"

Guess what you uptight idiot?! This is different!

I hate life so badly...everything I want to do is full of obstacles
that are so hard to overcome...

None of my classes are interesting enough to motivate me. I'm behind in everything and part of me could care less. This is exactly why I'm terrified of life. I just shut down when something bores me.

I want to learn music! I want to study fiction! I want to read good books and learn about history! I want to learn about artists! I don't care about Math, or English composition! I don't like writing essays that aren't explaining the nuances of a story! Why should I care about map software that I'll never pursue a career in?! The only one remotely interesting is my CSC class, because I am interested in knowing about computers. It's also the only class I'm doing decently in.

...Yesterday I tried drowning myself. How about that?

Edit: And I feel like trying again, now that I'm home alone...
Edit2: I didn't...

Even though it's ridiculous, I've completely fallen for a fictional character.

Deceased.

And being reminded of his sad, short life and unfair death causes my heart to scream in my chest.

I literally feel pain from it. I almost feel like I've lost a child, and I'm trying to keep his memory alive by telling others of how incredible a person he would have been if only he hadn't been snatched away!

I hate it...

My brief fits of happiness are only mood swings.

I guess I must really not like life, I'm always on the verge of tears...

I'm having a huge depressed worrying panic attack like I or everyone I love will die tomorrow and I SERIOUSLY need someone RIGHT NOW.

I had to keep telling myself that I am not afraid to die to stay calm...

Just a sickly, dirty, ugly feeling...with a few tears....

I thought about what it'd be like to close your eyes and never wake up again..

<3 <3 <3

I want some cuddles!

I love being adorable!

That there was a Naruto/Family Guy/Sonic SatAM crossover Saturday morning cartoon show.

It was like....

Haku and Tails hanging out and Peter...and stuff...

I kinda like it.

*bounces*

I have books to read, games to play, shows to watch, and work to catch up on!

Wee!

Oh yeah. My second niece was born yesterday morning.

Madeline.

If you don't I'll feel discouraged...

1. I have Asperger syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspergers)
2. I have clinical depression (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression)
3. I am Bisexual, in a setting where it is not socially permitted to be.
4. The one exception to my Asperger syndrome is that I am "hyper-affectionate".

Combine all of this together, and the emotional problems you have is someone who is introverted because he does not have the mental ability to be extroverted, as well as many forms of it being taboo, yet longs to be affectionate with someone.